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Finally a Doctor that make sense

Q:  Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  
Is this true?
A:  Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make
you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  
Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q:  Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  Oh no.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy distilled wine,   that mean
they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness
that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q:  How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A:  Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If
you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q:  What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A:  Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy:  No pain... Good!

Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food fried in vegetable oil.  How getting
more vegetable be bad?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A:  Oh no!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only
be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  You crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It
best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
Sept. 13
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